I made a decision today. I have to live in the real, present world and let go of some romantic dreams.
I dreamt of sharing my life with my friend, loving him and being happy with him. At one point I thought it would be inevitable and didn't bother worrying about it, because I was so sure it would happen.
Now I am sure again. He will not have me.

I have known this for quite some time, he told me last year already. But every time we met I fed my hope with his kind words and the fun we had. He never tried to fool me, he was just being a friend.
No hard feelings.

My chest feels tight, my limbs are heavy and everything seems bleak. Nothing or noone (besides me and my illusions) are to blame.
Sometimes I wish I had allowed myself to stay in the dream, it was a nice place, pretending it could still happen. But it is fake, it made me more frustrated and desperate every day.

We talked and we will stay good friends, but I need distance first. I need to get my life on track and to get myself some new dreams.
When we're old and grey we'll laugh about how silly I was for wanting him and how silly he was for turning me down.

posted by Marian @ 6:48 PM 0 comments